I’m alone and it’s dark.

Dear me,

How are you holding up? I hope you’re well, happy, and in a better place than I am now. It is inevitable that I should lose steam, stutter in my footsteps towards what I thought I wanted, I just didn’t know it would be so soon, so painful and confusing.

Everyone so often I find myself doubting my motivation, my future…I find myself incapable of taking steps forward towards that goal. Finishing that homework, organizing those stacks of papers. Being the responsible person I thought I was. But it’s times like these when everything becomes blurry and it feels like I’m moving in slow motion backward, fading into the blackness of the unknown.

I need to learn what it means to be driven, to be disciplined, to have boundaries. Right now, I feel like I’m pieces, lying on the floor, broken and forgotten by my future self. Everything feels heavy and reluctant and painful, every smile, every word, every step.

I’m exaggerating. It’s what I do. But these feelings are just feelings, they will come to pass.

Much love, Emily

 

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